Sometimes you have to stick your nose in his business.

Now this post has nothing to do with the day to day of my current cycling trip but it does have a lot to do with the reason I am doing it and that is to raise some awareness of depression in people who you would not ordinarily believe are suffering from the illness.I'm concerning myself to a large percent with the way that people deal with,or should I say fail to deal with depression in men.While there seems no end to the amount of support and acceptance offered to women in the form of organised programs and social support networks the support for men is sadly lacking.For the record I do believe that things are changing for the better but it is at the very basic beginnings of the illness presenting itself that I am concerned with.

It seems that in most western cultures, the stigma of not only depression but the admition of any kind of percieved weakness in men is not generally well recieved by peer groups and the "suck it up and deal with it" attitude is still quite prevalent.In many ways the man is still supposed to be the man and such things are still not as readily accepted as they are among females.I recently lived through this with someone who was ( and still is) very dear to me.She has been going through all sorts of hell dealing with things from a past life that have come back to haunt her mind.Thankfully she is working her way through it and with the right treatment, and in a very large way to the support of her multitude of friends, she has come through the worst and is now on the road to recovery.I am so happy about that and I wish her all the very best of luck for a blessed and healthy future.

One thing that did strike me during that turbulent time was the unconditional love and support her friends gave her,they were pretty amazing to say the least and she is lucky to have so many people that understanding of the crisis that was present.The funny thing,if you could call it that,was that even though many of those same people knew that I too was struggling at times during the process nobody actually sat me down and asked me if I was okay.Well,that isn't entirely true, there was one person who would periodically ask of my welfare as she knew the extent of what I too was going through.I loved her for it and considered her more family than friend but the unconditional acceptance wasn't there.Unlike the acceptance that a female will totally lose it from time to time,with the outbursts being more of a cry for help or a blunt warning,in men these outbursts are viewed differently.That happened to me,I had one major meltdown that has seemingly ended that very special friendship and not one person of the four who were there to witness it have said a single word to find out what it was really about.Not one person who heard about it asked me if I was okay or for that matter wanted to talk about it at all.I do not understand that of my friends!There seems to be less understanding,less forgiveness of men.I do not understand that at all!

 I may piss a bunch of people off in writing that and  I hope those of you involved can find forgiveness but I believe that it so important to get this message out there that I don't mind paying whatever the price.The point is, if it is blatantly obvious that someone you know is in trouble,then for Gods' sake,stick your nose in their business and ask them if they are okay.Even if it isn't so obvious but you suspect that things aren't quite right then don't  take the easy route,instead take a deep breath and stick your nose in thier business and ask them if they are okay.You know sometimes all it take is for that person ,in that particular moment ,to feel like he is part of something,part of a community,part of a friendship,part of anything,to turn him around.Trust me,I know!

In December 1985 I was a 22 year old Restaurant Supervisor of the Portego Lounge,in the Menzies-at-Rialto Hotel in downtowon Melbourne.This  restaurant and lounge bar was the feature of the newest and fanciest five star hotel in the city at the time and one very quiet night in particular I didn't take the easy route and without knowing it changed someones life.

It was Christmas Day and the Portego Lounge and the neighbouring fine dining restaurant, The Chandelier Room had finished our Christmas Day service and were preparing for the first "orphans dinner" that the hotel would host.These dinners are something of a tradition in  the hotel game as the usually transient staff more often than not do not have  family to celerbate Christmas with.I had been to many of these and was really looking forward to the rest of the night .I had duties to perform though and one of those was to clear the hotel of all non-residients and inform all residents wandering the public areas that due to licensing restrictions there would be no public service for the rest of the day and that room-service would cater to all needs for the remainder of the Charistmas Day holiday.

With my duties done I made my way back to the Portego Lounge for one last look around and found a well dressed man sitting in one of the chairs near the bar.I presented myself to him and informed him that service had finished for the day and that he would be able to order whatever he wanted through room service.He told me that he wasn't a house guest and that he just wanted to have a drink for Christmas.I was about to tell him that he would have to leave the premesis but before I could even speak he looked me in the eyes with a look I have only seen one other time in my life.It was the saddest,empty look I had ever seen and it was if he had nothing inside,no soul,no life,nothing!

For a reason that I still can't explain to this day I moved next to this man,who was half my age again older than I,put one arm around him and led him to the doors of the Chandelier Room.When I opened the doors and led him into the opulent surrounds of one of Melbournes finest dining rooms he asked what was going on. I simply said "you are spending Christmas with us." I walked him to the private dining room that was a feature of the restaurant and told the assembled rabble that I had found another orphan and asked the Sous Chef if it was okay for him to join us.He said of course and with that I sat him next to one of our young hostesses.I thought nothing more of it and as far as I know a very merry Christmas was had by all.

About three weeks later,I was on duty,going about my daily tasks when a man walked up to me out of the crowd.He asked to speak to me and we wandered over to a quieter section of the floor.I didn't recognise him at all but once he start to talk to me I knew who it was.It was the guy from Christmas Day.He told me that he wanted to come by and thank me for taking him in that day but when I tried to dismiss it as nothing he held my shoulders within the firm grip of his hands and looked me straight in the eyes for the second time but this was different,he was different.He told me that I had done something for which he could never thank me enough.It seems earlier in the previous year his wife had left him,taking his,house,kids and the life he once knew and loved.He had turned to his own family for help but his father had died mid year and his mother,pining over the loss of her beloved husband, passed away a couple of weeks before Christmas.This left him with no family,in his mind no life and without the strength to look to the future,no reason to live on.He had come into the bar that Christmas night, to drink up the courage to kill himself.

He went on to tell me that my one act of caring and kindness, followed the night of unconditional friendship that he saw among the Christmas orphans had turned his life around.He realised that was what he wanted,to have friends to share the special days with,friends who were happy just be have him around and friends who cared enough to not only praise the best but forgive the worst.He said that I had given him the greatest Christmas present that a man could give and that was his life back,a life of hope and the promise of feeling that he,as a person, would one day matter to someone again.

 Fifteen years later,I became that man and the other pair of lifeless,souless eyes that I told you about,were staring back at me in the mirror...