Where do I begin..

It is a pretty strange feeling to be sitting here writing a blog about my personal struggle with depression as these situations are generally the kind of things that one doesn't want to share.Firstly there is the social stigma associated with all things related to mental illness and then there is the uncertainty of just how people who thought they knew you will react.The sad fact is, although over recent times, the tag of "depression" has been somewhat accepted and less demonised by the pubic at large it is still a very delicate subject once it involves someone you know.A great many people are still of the old school mentality where the belief is that depression is some new age idea, thought up by the medical profession allowing weak people to stay weak and not "face up" to reality.The "just deal with it" mentality still runs deep in society and that is the very reason so many affected people suffer in silence.

I have decided to to do my bit and speak out and by doing so maybe, just maybe,someone out there might find a common ground and realise that they have the same problems as I and that it is indeed possible to live a "normal" life despite the ongoing struggle with the darkness of their minds.Maybe too, someone will recognise in me, something in someone they love and care about, providing the opportunity to step up and be counted.That is what it is all about folks,it requires an aknowledgement that there is an issue and the willingness of those loved ones around to help deal with it.As they say "It takes a village...."

In this blog I will not be delving into the science of it all nor will I preach that things should be done one way or the other.Instead I will simply let you in on what I have struggled with personally and share some of the experiences I have had with others facing similar realities.Everyone is different and each of us have different triggers and I guess mine,most of all,is finding an identity and by that I mean a place in the world where I am accepted,needed and loved by one special person or indeed one close community for who I am and not for what I may be.There is a difference..

Take heart though all you folks who thought this was going to be a blog about my crazy ride from Anchorage to Penticton,it is all about that and more.You see, part of what I want to explore is how one mans percieved indentity,in this case my Ultraman identity,can in fact be his downfall.How a persons true character is often ovelooked by false perceptions brought about by the nature of his exterior,that being his outward presence and public image.More often than not,those who are in turmoil present a completely different public persona than is in fact their true character.Unfortunately,most fail to take the time nor have the interest to see that there can be way more to a person than is first thought,you just have to want to see it.That is the hard part..and the most rewarding.

I believe that very few people have bothered to truly understand where I have come from,why I have lived the way I have and just who I am.It is easier to form false truths to explain away a life than it is to actually ask about that life.The why's and wherefore's of ones exsitance are often more complicated AND more simple than can be imagined and a troubled mind can usually be traced quite simply to a broken spirit or a tortured heart.

 Wounded by lost love,saddened by broken dreams and fearfull of what the future brings,in all my sad and melancholy glory this is where I stand today..