Out of the mountains and into my nightmares.

I had gone too bed late the night before and had suffered a pretty cold and fitfull sleep thank's to the cold wind blowing off the glacier.The day did hold promise of nice weather and after a coffee in the lodge I rode out at just on 9am.The trip didn't last long as the roadwork that had delayed me the day before was still going on but at least I didn't have to wait by the side of the road too long and after about half an hour I was off again climbing slowly to the summit of the first of two passed for the day.I didn't realise that I had hit the first summit until I had ridden about 40 kilometers and was actually at the top of the second summit at the Eureka Lodge.The trip had been a quick one and although still hilly, at least I still had a nice tailwind helping push me along at a fast( for me)  pace.

   The scenery had taken a real turn as gone were the majestic mountain roads that weave and dip in and around canyons and gorges,replaced by wide open lands covered in a forest of black spruce.The road rolled on and on over low hills and looking behind me at Eureka I could clearly see the wall of mountains that I had managed to weave my way through.I always marvel at how the first people found their way through huge ranges like these.Clearly they were made of the right stuff,unlike myself.

 I was beginning to think that I would have no worries making it to the town of Glennallen that day which would make for a ride of around 115 kilometers and back on to riding some decent distances.Those thoughts soon turned to thoughts of terror and survival as a huge storm front moved in.The wind that had been at my back all day turned to my side and started blowing hard from my right.At first it wasn't so bad but as the first major gust blew me off the shoulder and onto the main lane I started to worry.Within fifteen minutes I was holding on for dear life as my trailer flung me time and time again into the main lane .After a couple of very close calls with semi-trailers I rolled off the highway an into the safety of the Mendeltna Creek Lodge car park.Holy crap I was shaken!!

  I went inside the  lodge,ordered a coffee and decided to wait out the storm in the shelter of this beautiful old log building.I hung out for a while chatting to the owner, being slobbered on by one of her six English Mastiffs,I thought for a minute that I might end up as lunch,or drown in slobber.As fate would have it I would end up getting to know the dogs and the lodge owner much more than I had planned as the storm increased in intensity and added rain to it's fury.I was only 1pm and I wasn't going anywhere!

  The owner of the lodge told me that I was welcome to spend the night in the bunkouse of the lodge for the grand sum of $10 which seemd a real bargain.After checking the place out I knew that I had lucked out as the place was great,Clean,warm and very cozy for a place that could sleep ten.There were also six single cabins to be had but they were much more expensive than my cabin in Chickaloon so I was happy with my choice of beds in the bunkhouse.

  I spend that wet and windy afternoon ckecking the lodge out and doing a little work on my bike before having dinner in the lodge bar with two of the three other people staying there.Even though I was disappointed with only riding 60ish kilometers that day I made the most of it and had a good time chatting to some nice folks that night.I retired to my bunkhouse to prepare my stuff for an early departure and went to bed sung under three heavy blankets,handmade by the lodge owner herself.

  The next morning,I was up and ready to go at about 3:30am but opened the bunkouse door to find it wet and windy so there was nothing for it but to go back to bed for a couple of hours and check again at a more civilised hour.Sadly for me when I did wake again four hours later the clouds had moved into my head and my mood had deteriorated rapidly.I was feeling the blues approaching rapidly and so I wandered over to the lodge at 8am for a coffe and something to eat.I had hoped that by chatting to some people that my mood wuld improve but it didn't and I mentioned to the owner that if I hadn't come to say goodbye by 10am that I would be staying another night.I then finished my beakfast and went back to the bunkhouse to take stock.I paced the bunkhouse back and forth and in and out of the door for a good half an hour before I gave up.I was a bit of a mess and as I have said in previous posts, once you start the slide into a depressed state and you don't have anyone there to help you ae pretty much screwed.There is nothing you can do to turn it around,it must run its course,so I did what I always do to keep my mind from thinking the worst of thoughts,I went back to sleep for another five hours.

  On May 16th,just after my relationship ended,on my Facebook profile,I posted the following " Sleep is the peacefull oasis where one can hide from all the pain but with each sleep another day of hell draws closer." Many people commented on that quote of mine but those words, for me are not just a nice quote on found on a cool website somewhere.I wrote those words from my heart  because I live them more often than I care to remember.That day was one of those days!It was a day when I nearly packed all my stuff up and quit my trip,a day where the safest place in the world for me was inside that little bunkhouse where, alone, I waged battle with my other self.The one nobody wants to talk about.

   Thankfully,my way of dealing with all this seems to work and by around 3pm things had gone from my not caring if I lived another second to wanting to go for a run to check out the area.I went out into the clearing afternoon and ran out onto the highway where I started to run back along the road I had covered the day before.It was nice to be outside again and my head cleared enough to actually start to enjoy myself.I ran off the highway and followed a trail under some powerlines back toward the lodge mainly to test my knee (which passed) and to see what it was like to run on the spongy turf that covers the permafrost.It was weird to say the least,like running on a felt carpet which covered a bed of thick mud moving under each footfall.By the time I got back to the

 lodge I was feeling okay and set about preparing mysel for another attempt at leaving the next morning.

   Dinner that night was a very lonely affair as I sat by myself inside the large main building of the lodge.I wondered why I always put so much pressure on myself to ride certain distances each day and why I should care what people think of how I go about my  conducting my trips.I do though and it is stupid and is something I will have to rectify.More than anything though,I wish I had someone here to share all this with as I'm sure that would make all the difference.